We’re not talking about the people who choose to avoid gluten (you people need to take a long hard look at yourselves), but the ones who are forced to avoid gluten — y’know, for medical reasons. If you are one of the unlucky ones who has been burdened with coeliac disease or a gluten intolerance, chances are you’ve been a victim of the ignorance and annoyance of others. We get it, it’s not their fault. How should they know? It’s just that we’ve heard it so many bloody times.
1. “Can’t you just cheat?”
2. “Like, not even for one of those rainbow bagels you can get on Brick Lane?”
3. “How do you live without pizza? And cake…?!”
And yes, we’ve heard all about how totally amazing Franco Manca is. Just please stop rubbing it in.
4. “Here’s some complimentary bread for the table…”
5. “Being gluten free is so trendy at the moment, isn’t it?”
That said, it does mean that there are now tons of hipster London cafes that have jumped on the band wagon. Gluten free freakshakes may cost an arm and a leg, but at least they’re trying…
6. “It must be so hard to be gluten free”
7. “I couldn’t do it…”
8. “But all of the best foods have gluten in them…”
9. “Shall we just pop to Tesco and grab a meal deal for lunch?”
And before you ask, there are other places we can go besides Whole Foods.
10. “Did you lose loads of weight when you stopped eating gluten?”
11. “So can you eat rice and potatoes?”
12. “Does that mean you can have couscous then?”
13. “What do you miss the most?”
14. “Would you like a biscuit? Oh shit, I forgot, sorry…”
15. “Ahh I feel so bad for you, gluten free food is terrible”
16. “I went on a gluten free diet once to try and lose a bit of weight. It was impossible.”
17. “And it’s just so expensive…”
Yep. As if London wasn’t expensive enough…
18. “So what happens to you if you eat gluten?”
And it’s not the sort of thing we want to be discussing while we’re trying to enjoy our bunless burger at Byron either, thank you very much.
19. “You’re actually pretty lucky. I wish I was gluten free, then I wouldn’t feel tempted by all this delicious food.”
Because that’s exactly the right thing to say to us as we’re walking through Camden Street Food market…