Over here at Secret London, we believe in openness and honesty (except when someone comes in with a bad haircut…in which case, “it looks laarrvvlllyyy”). Thus we feel it important to tell you the things about London that no one else does. All you ever hear about it how expensive and dirty it is….yawn yawn boring snoring, are we right! Although, erhm, also very true…
1. Your snot will turn black.
2. But it’s nothing to worry about. It will turn back again once you leave. Maybe.
3. Hipsters are a bit annoying, but actually not so bad.
4. And they are definitely nowhere near as bad as try-hard LFW attendees who probs know nothing about fashion.
5. People aren’t actually that unfriendly.
6. Unless you hold the doors of the tube open for your mate…
7. Work for TfL…
8. Or put your feet/bag/child on an empty seat in rush hour.
9. No one says ‘thank you’ to bus drivers.
10. So you probably should.
11. You will also spend 70% of your life underground.
12. The rent situation is as bad as everyone says.
13. Drinking is acceptable at all times.
14. But hangovers are not.
15. You don’t need cash.
16. Literally, ever. Except for train station toilets.
17. But you do need money.
18. And lots of it.
19. It’s ok to sit in McDonalds all alone and eat a large meal. Whether you’re hungover, drunk or just a bit peckish.
20. In fact it’s ok to sit and eat alone anywhere.
21. Except on tubes.
22. Children taking up seats on the tube/talking loudly/crying at rush hour will always make your blood boil so much you’ll swear you never have kids.
23. And although there are hundreds of trendy pop up restaurants, you’ll end up eating at Pizza Express more than is socially acceptable.
24. You will never have enough time for all your plans.
25. And despite the fact you spend most of your free time in bed watching new Netflix series, you’ll still secretly consider yourself to be cooler than non-Londoners.
26. Merely because of your postcode, not because of your life – you don’t have one.
27. Every time someone sneezes on public transport you’ll have a mild panic over whether you should say bless you.
28. And more often than not you’ll just have to man up and walk home alone in the dark late at night and pray you don’t get mugged.
29. But most importantly, you’ll never, ever want to leave.
Featured Image Credit: StGiles