It’s a day of mourning for us working folk, as we trundle back into our regular routines and face the frightening feat that is our inbox.
1. You start the day by writing ‘
2016 2017′ on your to-do list.
2. Which is already unhealthily long.
3. You’ve probably forgotten the password to your computer. Or how to even type. Or worse still…
it’s my first day back at work in three weeks and i have absolutely no idea what it is we do here
— CMOT kibbler (@kibkibs) January 3, 2017
4. COFFEE, COFFEE AND MORE COFFEE.
5. You’ve probably said “Yeah, it was good thanks” about 217 times.
6. And asked “How about you?” about 216 times.
(Barbara from accounts bought you a rubbish Secret Santa present so you didn’t reciprocate her concern for the Christmas holidays).
7. EMAIL OVERLOAD!!!!!
8. Which, of course, subsequently leads to your computer running at snail pace.
9. Everyone’s talking about Dry January and Veganuary.
And you’re either one of them, or extremely bored already.
10. Everyone’s flaunting their new a) mugs, b) Fitbits, and c) engagement rings.
11. You probably packed yourself a super healthy lunch.
And you’ll have great intentions to keep this up for the rest of the year… but you know as well as all of us that it will not last and you’ll be back to Pret before you can say “Posh Cheddar and Pickle on Artisan”.
12. You’re already dreaming about the summer.
13. And you spend your entire lunch break browsing Skyscanner and Booking.com.
14. You’re probably wondering where everybody is.
15. Jammy buggers booked it off, didn’t they?
16. Why didn’t you think to do that?!
17. You keep thinking it’s Monday…
…and it’s quite pleasant when you realise that it is in fact Tuesday. But then you remember that you’re back at work and it doesn’t really matter if it’s Monday or Tuesday because you’re miserable anyway.
18. You contemplate how much weight you’ve put on over the Christmas period, and at least 2 of your colleagues will try and outdo you.
“I must’ve put on about 3 stone over the holidays”
“I’ve probably put on about 12”
“Ha! I think I put on about 206”
19. You will announce to the office how hard it was to get up this morning and how “it’s always so difficult to get back into the routine”.
Everyone will agree with you and then you’ll hate yourself a little bit for being such a cliché.
20. The commute home will feel about 10x longer than usual.
21. And you’ll have promised yourself that you were going to start cooking properly this year, but all you want to do is get in to bed and watch all the TV that you missed.
Well, all the programmes that weren’t spoiled for you by your colleagues anyway.