Oh the struggles of London life. Constantly on the go. Always ready to overtake someone on the pavement. Always stressed about when we’re going to get our next glass of wine to help us destress about the lack of wine we had this week. Always working out… Wait, what? You haven’t been to the gym today? (Us neither.)
1. For the price of a London gym membership, I might as well bring my kettle, toaster and duvet to curl up and live there.
2. I don’t own an overpriced pair of monochrome Lycra leggings. Nor do I want to. Therefore I will look like a silly gym newbie.
3. Today I changed at Bank.
4. The only spinning I’ll be doing today is in my head (last night’s midweek drinks were heavy AF.)
5. I had a salad from Pret for lunch. The gym is entirely unnecessary.
6. I sweat away enough of my fat every day on the Northern Line.
7. Or at just the thought of getting on the Northern Line.
8. I’ve seen others run around Vicky Park… it isn’t pretty.
9. The only thing I lift is extremely heavy glasses of wine.
10. I had to walk to find my Uber earlier.
11. It’s sunny in London today. Meaning I don’t want to waste my time getting skinnay, but want to spend it getting crunk.
12. I choose to take the walking escalators at Holborn Station.
13. In fact, I absolutely storm up ALL the escalators. (When people don’t decide to get in my way.)
14. I ordered my Band of Burgers Build Your Own Burger bunless.
15. At the end of the month I get all my energy from tinned beans (and maybe wine). It would be dangerous for me to workout.
16. It will definitely rain in an hour, so I might as well get home while it’s dry.
17. I left a water bottle at home and I REFUSE to splurge on the FIJI water they sell at the nearest health shop.
18. … There may be a Tesco’s nearby, but as I said. Rain.
19. I do not want to risk becoming one of those ‘gym lovers’.
20. I’ll go do some ‘home squats’… With all that *space* in my flat.
21. I would feel too bad for my fellow Londoners on the bus who had to sit next to my post-gym stink. So it’s best not to go at all.
(If you do want some motivation, check out these genius ways to make London your free gym!)
Featured Image credit: Animal Wall