There’s no entertainment quite like eavesdropping in a London pub. You’ll hear a ton of juicy gossip, and probably a few things that you wish you could forget, too…
1. “I can’t drink any more, I have work in the morning”
There’s always one…
2. “I can’t believe she’s pregnant!”
Probably referring to some girl who only met her boyfriend about 2 weeks ago and “can barely look after herself, let alone a child”.
3. “I hate my job and my boss is an arse”
4. “I need a pay rise. Hell, I deserve a pay rise”
Yeah, you tell ’em Geoffrey.
5. “He’s such a dick”
*Friend pats other friend on the shoulder and suggests getting shots*
6. “All men are such dicks”
Preach it, sister.
7. “Babe, you need to get Tinder…”
“…it’s the best way to get over him”
8. “So I went on this super weird Tinder date last week…”
This story is probably being told by the same girl who just told her friend to download it…
9. “I shouldn’t be buying these drinks, my rent’s due next week and pay day isn’t until the week after…”
“…but yolo and carpe diem and all that”
10. “Work work work work work”
Unless you’re lucky enough to be in the same pub as Rihanna, you’re listening to the guy who doesn’t know how to switch off from work and has no other conversation topics up his sleeve. He’ll almost certainly be checking his emails and moaning about his clients.
11. “What do you think of that Sadiq Khan bloke?”
“…he used to be a comedian you know”
12. “Bloody Brexit…”
You’ve just got to hope that everyone is on the same side, else things are likely to get messy…
13. “Shall we just move to Canada?”
“…Justin Trudeau is a top chap”
“Yeah, they’ve actually produced a couple of good Justins…”
14. “Or Scotland. That Nicola Sturgeon lady seems to be alright?”
“…my mum’s dad’s cousin was Scottish, does that mean I can get a passport?”
15. “Help me out mate… I don’t know what to get my mum for her birthday”
Likely to be followed by, “just get her a bunch of flowers and some chocolates or something, that’s all women ever want”
16. “Did you see the Chelsea score yesterday?”
“Yeah mate, how sick was Costa’s goal?”
17. “Ah I really need this, lads. The baby’s been keeping me up for weeks”
His wife’s at home with the newborn and he is feeling totally overwhelmed about being a dad. This is actually his 3rd trip to the pub this week, but he still “needs” a pint or five (in other words, he wants to avoid bedtime).
18. “Ah I really need this, lads. Tina’s been driving me nuts lately”
Trouble and strife…
19. “Phwoar, blimey, she’s fit”
They’re either ogling at the barmaid or scrolling through some girl’s holiday pictures on Instagram.
20. *Some manly banter about erectile dysfunction*
21. “Scarlett Johansson, Jennifer Aniston and Margot Robbie… snog, marry, avoid. Go!”
Hmm that’s actually pretty tricky…
Feature image: GeographyPhotos