For many of us, our parents live beyond the bubble of London, unaware of the lives we lead, the commutes we have to go through, the tube strikes we face. Or, if they are aware of it, it’s through a rose-tinted and reminiscent lens, back when they were ‘young whipper-snappers’ or ‘yuppies’ or whatever. But as much as they may deny it, London life has changed. Prices have increased as personal space has decreased. The best of us are all living in cupboards. So it’s no wonder parents are shocked when they visit…
1. They may sugar-coat their thoughts on your flat: “Well, this is … cosy.”
2. …Or rub salt on the wounds: “If you wanted to live in a kitchen cupboard, we could have cleared one out for you!“
3. They might go all ‘logical’ on you: “Haven’t you looked at living in more affordable cities? Manchester/Cardiff/Bristol are all lovely...”
4. They’re bound to comment on your new flatmate’s beard: “Not very hygienic, is it?”
5. And when you tell them that you met him through SpareRoom.co.uk, they’ll stress “the dangers of meeting people online.”
6. Once you finally herd them out of your flat, they’ll ask to see ‘the sights’.
7. Cue Mum: “Darling, let’s go shopping on Oxford Street.”
8. OR they’ll take the other extreme and want you to avoid ALL busy areas.
Cue Mum: “Darling, do avoid Oxford Street at the moment.”
9. They’ll shower you with ‘safety tips’:
“You don’t do that (nods head to someone nimbly whizzing across the road) down here, do you?” Nooo….
10. OR “Please, take the (legal) pepper spray, just to put our minds at ease.”
11. OR “Don’t walk around with your phone out, you’re asking for it to get nicked.”
12. They’ll ask why you didn’t pay for the taxi…as you get out of an Uber.
13. They probably won’t have Oyster cards, so will have to buy the dreaded paper tickets… “These aren’t scanning properly!”
14. They’ll stand on the left without batting an eyelid.
15. And make loud, smug comments about commuters who “have to make this hideously, bleak journey day-in-day-out. What a life.”
16. Your journey will have a running commentary… “Only 3 more stops to go!”
17. And they’ll read every tube station out loud. “Cockfosters! HAHA!”
18. But if they used to live in London, they’ll act like they know it like the back of their hands.
“OF COURSE I know where Charing Cross is darling. You just follow me.” As your Mum proceeds to lead you towards Waterloo…
19. They’ll reminisce about their past London life: “I’ll show you my old commute.”
20. And at the end of it all, London will have both wooed them and tired them. They’ll leave sighing: “After this weekend, we better remortgage the house.”
Featured Image Credit: Jessie Amadio