London is notoriously dirty. A bit of dirt here or there tends to be ok for most of us, particularly as our extortionate rent typically includes a bath, shower or hose of some sort. But if you’re a clean freak (sorry, ‘cleanliness orientated’), or a thumb sucker for that matter, of which we have both over here in Secret London, the dirt of London can really get to you. Quite literally.
1. Attempting to resist the overwhelming urge to spritz the tube pole with Dettol before holding it.
2. And having to conceal the audible shudder that occurs when you think about how many sneezers, anti-hand-washers and snot wipers have also touched it.
3. Which results in you either free-standing like a boss (until you face plant, that is).
4. Ending the journey with your feet at one end and your top half at the other because you used your jumper sleeve as a pole-shield and the slid the entire length of the carriage.
5. Or gripping it lightly with the hand, but feeling the sting of tears when the brakes are slammed on and you have to actually make contact.
6. The endless worry of the amount of pollution in your ears, nostrils and lungs.
7. Engendering a nightly routine of buds, swabs and detoxes in and out of every orifice.
8. The by-product of which you daren’t even look at for fear of wanting to stick bleach up your nose.
9. You are the least popular in your house share because everyone thinks your weird for cleaning the sink before doing the washing up.
10. You nag every one about their dishes.
11. And then re-do them anyway as they ‘weren’t clean enough’.
12. Your longest and most intimate relationship you’ve ever had is with an extra large bottle of hand sanitiser.
13. NO NOT LIKE THAT, sicko.
14. It’s been in your handbag all day. Ew.
15. You fantasise about scrubbing the streets.
16. Dreaming about how satisfying it would be to empty the hoover after it was finished with all the seats on the underground.
17. And you’re favourite past-time is observing windscreen washers, with their perfect wiper in hand, zig-zag across Starbucks while you sit, enjoying a piece of lemon drizzle cake on a sparkling clean plate.
Featured Image Credit: Cosmopolitan