Remember that time we said we loved it when it rains in London? Yeah? Well, we were lying.
1. Squelchy shoes.
God we hate the feeling of our toes slowly turning to prunes. And if you’re wearing any kind of fabric on your feet, well, you can enjoy the pong of bad choices for the rest of the afternoon.
2. The steps: on the bus/on the tube.
Death traps. Total. Bloody. Death traps. If you chose heels, you’re an idiot. If you chose brogues, you’re an idiot. If you chose anything, you’re an idiot.
3. Grabbing hold of people to stop yourself from falling down said steps.
We all hate touching strangers but if it’s a matter of embarrassment or falling to our deaths then we will grab as many crotches/bums as we have to.
4. The Tube in general.
So unpleasant, ugh. The combination of steam, slippery floors and flattened Mohawks makes for horrible, infuriating journeys. Is it really a surprise Londoners are so stressed???
5. Drivers (tube/bus/cab) are generally more arseholey.
The rain is like a transformative blanket of cockery, turning everyone into bad/sad/mad drivers. Keep your wits about you because it’s going to be a bumpy ride (just make sure you’re not the bump as someone rides over you).
6. All umbrellas fail you.
Even if you have a supersonic head-to-toe water repellent bitch of a brolly, it will blow inside out. And then refuse to fix itself.
7. Speaking of umbrellas…
There will be a designated corner in the office for wet umbrellas. And it will probably be next to your desk. Cue droplets of water being flung at you overtime someone thumps one down.
8. Lunch will be crappy.
You don’t want to leave the office to go find Pret so you’re left to fend for yourself in the dingy kitchen that no one EVER ventures into. Thus all that’s in there is some questionable cheddar and a flat peach. Flat because it’s squashed, not because it’s a Flat Peach.
They will be stepped in. You can’t avoid it.
10. What’s that Pong(o)?
Yeah our feet are gross if we get them wet but if we’re wearing any kind of natural fiber then we’ll also radiate positively muttly vibes from our clothes too.
11. Everyone puts up ‘through the window’ pics.
15. It’s the only thing you’ll talk about.
“Terrible weather we’re having.”
That’s it. Over and over.
16. There’s only so many times you can pretend to be JoJo.
Or Dido. Or Geri Halliwell. Or Selena. Or Daniel Bedingfield. Or Natasha Bedingfield.
17. Because London pigeons look like flying rats even more when wet.
18. Because sods law takes full effect in the rain.
Need to be in a meeting? You’ll arrive late due to the rain. Scheduled a brazilian hair straightening in at 3? You’ll be showered on as soon as you leave the salon. Chose today to throw caution to the wind and leave your brolly at home? Hello maHUsive downpour.
19. Because people keep pushing “We Love It When It Rains” posts *cough*.
Such utter bastards. Screw their optimistic nature. I mean, how can anyone love this???