Moving to London changes a lot of things. Your post code, your seasonal temperature gauge, hell, even your accent. Yet on top of all that, there are certain aversions to things, particular allergies, that we will undoubtedly develop. Londoners are often criticised for being ‘rude’, or ‘impatient’, or ‘always in a rush’…but maybe we all just have the same ‘itis’ and in fact, these ‘personality traits’ are actually allergies that are as contagious as a head-bop to the song ‘I Like To Move It’. Just a thought. If this is the case, however, these are a few of the things that you will absolutely become allergic to…
1. People pressing the ‘open’ button on the tube before it stops. Or at all in fact.
2. But then not on the overground. *Cue vicious rash all over body*
3. The cable car. Literally, who uses it? And it cost how many million?
4. Oyster card unreadiness. Move. Out. Of. The. Goddam. Way.
5. Music leakage. Why is it that both your headphones AND your music taste are rubbish? *Nose runs*
6. Smiling. It’s as if the allergy has spread into our muscles, making it almost impossible.
7. Waiting for more than 3 minutes for public transport. 4 minutes and we come out in hives…
8. Bus diversions.
9. Queuing. For everything. Because we are English we still do it. But we really hate it. *Get us an antihistamine!*
10. Pigeons flying in/at/on your face.
11. Leicester Square. In particular, the pizza (and not just because we are allergic to gluten too).
12. Foxes having sex. For starters, the murderous screeches gives you a heart attack on top of all your other allergy symptoms. And secondly, it makes you aware that animals have time for sex. Which you absolutely do not.
13. Dark alleyways. Sever anaphylactic shock will occur if we have to take that shortcut again. Couldn’t feel our legs the last time, we were that scared of our shadow.
14. Bus weirdos. Entertaining. But not to sit next to. Ever.
15. Eye contact. You’ll notice this is the most severe allergy of all. *EpiPen needed if encountered*
16. Estate Agents. A grievous allergen that is to be avoided at all cost.
17. Fresh air. Sorry, no pollution? *ACHOOOO*
18. ANYONE that disses London. The peanut of allergens. You can’t eat them on a plane and therefore can’t be within a 100m radius of them. Stay. Away.
Featured Image Credit: Suggested Key Word