Many of us suffer from City Syndrome — a problem we have totally made up that is caused by spending too much time in the Capital. Symptoms include increased impatience, heightened hatred for humans and a distinct lack of a tan. The good news is that it’s curable, and we prescribe a holiday. Trust us, we’re doctors.
1. You can’t help but sob when you realise that one month’s rent could have bought you an all-inclusive holiday in the Canaries.
2. You’ve had enough of trying to convince yourself that travelling outside zone 3 counts as a holiday.
3. You are scarily accustomed to the idea of paying £5 for a pint. You need a bit of time away so you can be brought back to reality. The reality that London is absolutely extortionate.
4. You still don’t feel fully refreshed after the bank holiday weekend. In fact, you actually need a holiday to recover from the bank holiday weekend.
5. You find yourself weeping every time you scroll through your Instagram feed. Everyone and their dog seems to be in Mallorca or Corfu, and you’re sat in your box room with nothing to look forward to except tomorrow’s Tesco meal deal. Again.
6. Your current idea of a treat is a Deliveroo dinner or getting an Uber instead of the tube. You deserve more than that.
7. Going to Hyde Park at the weekend just won’t cut it any more. You need sun, sea and sand.
8. Of course there are all those pretend beaches that will soon be popping up across the city but, by the very nature of pop-ups, their appearances will be fleeting. Miami Beach isn’t going anywhere, just saying…
9. You do the same journey so often that you’re now on autopilot. You need to go somewhere new; get lost every now and again. It’s important to engage with your surroundings. (Don’t worry, we’re not suggesting you actually talk to anybody. That would be absurd).
10. You’ve been to the same pub so often that the bartenders know you by name. You need a bit of time away to give them a chance to forget you…
11. You’re starting to despise people and you need some time elsewhere to remind yourself that some people are actually okay (i.e. they might even let you off the train before they barge on).
12. Yes, you might be able to get 241 cocktails at Slug & Lettuce but, face it, that same £8.50 could get you about 7 drinks in Eastern Europe…
13. And £6 for a bottle of wine is not cheap. Have you never been abroad?
14. It can be really bloody cold here so the only sensible thing to do is migrate to a warmer climate.
15. You’ve noticed that you’re becoming increasingly impatient. A 3 minute wait for the tube is NOT a long time…
16. You’re suffering from a distinct lack of tan. You thought you might have caught the sun the other day after spending 10 hours on Clapham Common, but it turned out that was just dirt…
17. And anyway, absence makes the heart grow fonder…
Feature Image: David McKelvey
Also published on Medium.