It’s something we all aspire to. Some say you have to have lived here for 5 years, others say 10. Frankly, we haven’t a foggiest, we just know that if you do these things, it’s probably safe to say that you’re well on your way ? what a special breed we are, ey!
1. You hate anyone that walks slower than the speed of sound.
2. You’re immediately suspicious of anyone that can afford to buy a house.
3. Drinking seems perfectly acceptable at all times.
4. You no longer double take at the lady with purple stripy hair, wearing a ballet tutu, wellies and a lampshade as a hat.
5. Fresh air smells funny to you.
6. The idea of walking through Piccadilly Circus feels slightly less preferable than walking through Mordor.
7. Your kitchen contains Sriracha and kefir, but no actual food.
8. There is no pint price that is capable of shocking you. Unless it’s below £4.50.
9. And being charged £7.95 for a jacket potato with beans in a chain pub doesn’t strike you as borderline criminal.
10. The sight of a pancaked pigeon in the road triggers no reaction in you whatsoever — like a psychopath observing a murder scene.
11. You often pass up gigs by some of the world’s biggest artists because you can’t be bothered to get out of your pjs and leave the house. And you don’t even feel bad.
12. You can remember the days when you had a garden. Just.
13. Your snot is no longer black. It’s gone past the point of no return.
14. Complete silence unnerves you.
15. Instead, it is now the sound of sirens and foxes having sex that sends you to sleep.
16. You know where to get on the train so that when it arrives at your station you’re handily placed right in front of the exit.
17. Walking across the Thames after a few too many work drinks always brings a tear to your eye –
“I LIVE IN SUCH A BEAUTIFUL CITY, I’M SO BLESSED!”
Featured Image Credit: Flickr/sebastian.dahler