Living in London, you should always be prepared for the worst. And the best.
1. Always be prepared to defend the area of London you live in.
Seriously, South West is the best. Why? Errr SW totally invented brunch and we have Go Ape in Battersea Park.
2. Always be prepared for a spontaneous post-work drink.
Whatever the day. Whatever the hour. You’re waiting for your Whatsapp group to light up.
3. You’ve actually got a selection of outfits underneath your desk.
Because your drinking attire is on a whole other level to your work outfits.
4. Always be prepared for FOMO.
As much as you should always be prepared for a drink, your body might not want one. It might want biscuits and Netflix instead. So, unless you can hack it every night, be prepared to miss out on a lot of things.
5. Always be prepared for the moment your Oyster cards to get rejected.
At some point, you will be that dickhead who holds up the queue at the barriers.
6. Always know which end of the platform to stand on, so you’re on the ‘Way Out’ side when you get off at the other station.
Rule No. 1 of tube travel preparation: save time & walk up the platform during that 1 minute wait.
6. Always be prepared to be touched on the tube.
It’s best to act nonchalant when someone breathes down your neck.
7. And always be prepared to touch others.
Personal space is something London gave up on a long time ago.
8. Most importantly: always be prepared with a ‘sorry’.
Because it wouldn’t be right if you didn’t apologise for your existence to random strangers.
9. Always be prepared for rain.
But never be prepared for heat – a Londoner isn’t a Londoner without a thin coating of sweat.
10. Be prepared to tourist-dodge.
Ahh, the classic two-step tourist weave. Learn it fast or risk falling behind in the tourist rabble.
11. Always be prepared to whip out the hand-sanitiser.
Because those central poles certainly don’t clean themselves.
12. Always ALWAYS be prepared for a tube strike.
Everything’s been a little too easy breezy recently… Stay stocked up on your Uber credit.
13. Always be prepared to walk… and walk some more.
You’ll walk for over 45 minutes and think nothing of it in London. Because it’s probably as fast as taking the Circle line.
14. Of course, you should be prepared to pay over £10 for a drink.
15. Be prepared for the moment you get caught between a couple on the tube.
It can be a little awks.
16. But always be prepared to let London take your breath away.
Even if you’ve been here for yonks, the city still catches you unawares.
Featured image: Jury’s Inn Hotels