14 Ways To Ride The London Tube Like An Absolute Boss

You know the basics by now. Keep your Oyster card topped, memorise the Northern Line like the back of your hand and – for god’s sake – mind the gap.

 

1. In doubt, offer up your seat.

london-tube-boss
[Imgur]
 Always be on the look out for a pregnant lady. No one wants to be that guy who didn’t stand.

 

2. Have the basic tube etiquette firmly established.

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[Imgur]
The moment you stray from the pack, you’ll start being noticed…

 

3. But don’t blend in too much…

[Imgur – At least they both got a seat]
That one empty seat between these guys really isn’t helping.

 

4. Having a dog or baby will make you the carriage hero.

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[Imgur]
And, remember, dogs MUST be carried on the stairs.

 

5. Wear a mother-f*cking monocle

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[Imgur]
This guy IS the king of the Underground.

 

6. Befriend the Underground staff.

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[Imgur]
That’s an extra smile you’ll give and receive every day.

 

7. Sometimes you have to mentally block out the tube driver’s voice.

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[Imgur]
Because, let’s be honest, when you’ve been at a standstill on the sweltering Central Line for over 5 minutes, no ‘apology for the delay’ is going to help.

 

8. Just be prepared for delays.

london-tubedelays
[Reddit]
Don’t flinch when you see a wait above 3 minutes. You’re going to be ok.

 

9. Perfect the optimum amount of clothing layers…
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[Imgur]
10. Discover all of the Underground’s ‘secrets’…

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[Imgur]
 Do it.

 

11. Should you find an empty tube carriage – werk it.
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[Imgur]
12. Try not to ask yourself big existential questions during rush hour.

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[Imgur]
Likelihood is, you’ll end up feeling like a sad, worthless worker bee. Or penguin.

 

13. Always expect the unexpected.
Fish appear to be travelling by trains an increasing amount. I saw this Puffer Fish on the tube in London over the weekend - Imgur
[Imgur]
14. And remember, treat the Underground like your second home.

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[Imgur]
You’ll spend enough time in it.

 

Featured Image credit: Imgur

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