14 Things That Will Inevitably Happen To You When You Move To London


You’ve got yourself a snazzy new job in the big city, found yourself a cupboard sized one-bed in Elephant and Castle – don’t worry, it’s an ‘up-and-coming’ area – and unpacked your boxes of accumulated junk. Now what? While we can’t tell you exactly how things are going to work out with your big move, we can tell you fourteen things that are really very likely to happen to you once you’ve moved to London


1. You’ll try to pay for two drinks with a tenner and get told it’s not enough

2. You’ll develop rapid, inappropriate feelings of lust for various commuters on your journey to work

3. You’ll finally realise why Mr Heckles was so angry when the people in the flat above you return home

4. At some point during a night out, you’ll end up in Infernos

5. You’ll start to genuinely believe that £6 is a reasonable price for a box of salad

6. You’ll get annoyed whenever you have to wait more than two minutes for a tube

7. You’ll end up spending far more than you really should spend on whimsical cocktails

8. You’ll have too much to drink one night, get an UberLUX on surge and end up spending over £100 to get from Covent Garden to Hyde Park Corner

9. You’ll only ever go to Oxford Street if it’s really early to avoid the crowds

10. Almost all of your money will go to your landlord…

11. The rest of it will go to TfL

12. You’ll develop an intense hatred for every tourist who dares to walk more slowly than you…

13. In fact, you’ll end up developing an intense hatred for all tourists

14. And you’ll never want to leave

Feature image: Alessandro Grussu

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