12 Things Londoners Need To Shut The Hell Up About

Georgie Hoole - EXECUTIVE EDITOR • 23 December, 2016

Before we go on, we know we are guilty of every single one of these. Our hands are up. Guilty as charged. #SorryNotSorry.

1. Tourists

Have you never been to another country and wanted to see the sights? Have you never been lost or confused by another country’s transport system? Tourists are bound to be a bit slower and a bit more rucksack-ed than you, but let’s remember that we’ve all been there and cut them a bit of slack.

2. How rubbish TfL is

Yes, it’s expensive. Yes, there’s delays. And yes, sometimes the tube drivers fancy a strike. But it’s actually pretty damn great and we should all be a little more grateful.

3. How you had to wait 5 minutes for a train once

Count yourself lucky, human. A lot of places don’t have that kind of luxury, let alone tiny little villages where you’d be lucky if one bus came in a week. We’ll probably continue moaning — mostly for the purpose of hilarity — but it’s important to bear in mind…

4. How expensive everything is

Just hand over your £9.50, drink your Gin and Tonic and shut the hell up. Yes it’s devastating, but stop acting like you’re surprised every time you’re charged more than £5 for a drink.

5. How cold and rainy it is

Have you really not realised this by now? You’ve either lived here your entire life, or you would have heard the rumours prior to your move. It is cold. It is rainy. But it’s not Canada. Your eyelashes aren’t frozen and you don’t have to shovel 10 feet of snow every morning in order to get out of the front door. Pack an umbrella and man up.

6. Rush hour

tube-peak-rush-hour-london — [Flickr | luisfraguada]

More people travel at peak times, that’s why they’re called peak times. Because they’re peak. Got it? Either get to work at 6am and leave at 10pm, or deal with a few sweaty armpits in your face… they’ll seem delightful in comparison. (Sorry to those of you who do actually work those hours. That really sucks and we’re here for you).

7. Shoreditch

We’re SO over it. Maybe it is trendy, maybe it is gentrified… but can you quit going on about it already? Find yourself a rooftop bar, get yourself an espresso martini and SUCK IT UP.

8. How it takes so long to get anywhere

London is a big city — what do you honestly expect? And stop moaning about leaving zone 2. It’s really not that far. God forbid you ever have to venture beyond the M25…

9. Oxford Street

It’s busy. There’s a Primark. It’s a nightmare on Saturdays, and in the lead up to Christmas. Tell us something we don’t know.

10. Pop-ups

Do you love them? Do you hate them? Either way, enough already. They exist. They’re not going to go away. And be careful what you say, because one day there’ll be one with your name on it (we mean this metaphorically, but you never know) and you’ll rue the day you sneered at the Creme Egg Café.

11. Escalator etiquette

Sometimes people stand on the left. It’s a pain in the arse. We don’t expect you to get over it, but maybe tone down the hate…

12. Tube etiquette

If you want to make eye contact with someone, do as you damn well please. Some people may even look at you back. Or smile. Some of us are fairly nice, you know.

Feature Image: RedKid.net

Tags: funny