The 11 Struggles Everyone Faces When Attempting A Summer BBQ In London

Lily Frohlich Lily Frohlich


It’s (supposedly) summer and that means it’s (apparently) a good time to fire up your BBQ!

It’s time to showcase your great British ‘stiff upper lip’ spirit with an outdoor event held in the pouring rain. It could always be worse, right?

The shop:

Gone are the days when you could just whack a pack of sausages on a disposable BBQ tray and crack open a few cold ones, BBQing is now something of an art form, and it requires a lot of thought. Your mate Sarah can’t eat soy – which you had no idea was in so many things – Dave’s on a strict zero-sugar diet, and half of your crew has gone vegan. Who knew a trip to Tesco could be this confusing.

The sun dance:

The weather has behaved! After a morning of showers it looks like you’re in the clear. It’s time to fire up that grill!

The macho-man BBQ competition:

Your guests have arrived and the male members of the group have started sparring for the most important position: the BBQ God. Because there’s nothing more manly than cooking massive slabs of meat over flaming black coals. And flex!

Is it raining?

It seems as if the second the meat hit the grill, the rain Gods saw it as a sign. But don’t worry; it’s only few drops…

Yes, it’s definitely raining.

The ‘drops’ have turned into balls of watery fury and they’re here to ruin your day. The inevitable downpour has begun and with no sign of letting up, it’s best that you take cover under an aluminium tray, or something.

The hangry guests:

It’s 3pm and people are starting to lose their sh*t. The BBQ is cool enough to touch and Jenny has started snacking on the burger buns you specifically bought for the burgers. Tensions are high.

The questionable meat:

You cut into the chicken only to find that it’s somehow managed to turn out simultaneously black and undercooked – back on the BBQ it goes!

Finally, food.

There’s a moment of silence as everyone politely queues up for food and, once everyone’s had a few bites of BBQ chicken, spirits have soared. It’s time to eat, drink and be merry. Sod the sodding rain!

The state of emergency:

Somewhere along the line, all the cans of lager and bottles of prosecco you stocked up on before things kicked off mysteriously disappeared. Funny that.

The daylight robbery:

The Sainburys Local down the road has also mysteriously run out of every bottle of wine under £7. All that remains is one lonely looking bottle of Echo Falls ‘fruit fusions’, and even you won’t sink that low. It’s time to bite the bullet and spend an extortionate amount on sauvignon blanc that people probably won’t even remember drinking.

The happy ending:

With everyone fed and watered (quite literally) the BBQ is pronounced a success! You are the BBQ Master! Same time next week?

Feature Image: Grayskullduggery

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Tags: bbqs, funny, summer
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