11 Stages We All Go Through During The Christmas and New Year Abyss
It’s an awkward 6 day limbo between getting drunk and, er, getting drunk.
There are many ways to describe this weird period of nothingness; Chrimbo Limbo being our favourite. You can also call it No Man’s Week or The Festive Perineum, as one man’s mother so delightfully dubbed it.
My mum just described the days between Christmas and New Year as “a festive perineum”.
— Nell Frizzell (@NellFrizzell) December 24, 2013
1. You’re in a demobilising food coma brought on, quite unsurprisingly, by copious amounts of turkey, potatoes and Christmas pudding.
2. You quickly forget about the food coma, much like they say you forget about the excruciating pains of childbirth, and scoff your face with all the leftovers. Like, alllll the leftovers.
3. You start getting inventive with anything and everything you can get your hands on. We’re talking turkey and stuffing sandwiches, turkey curry, bubble and squeak, brussel and parsnip soup… hell, you’ll try anything. And when you run out of ideas, you’ll undoubtedly consult Jamie or Nigella.
4. You, yet again, eat far too much and are reduced to yet another food coma (will you never learn?) and there’s a small part of you that considers taking a nice stroll and walking it off…
5. …but, frankly, it’s far more likely that you’ll sit in front of the TV and watch Chicken Run or the Big Fat Quiz of the Year instead.
6. You consider heading to the Boxing Day sales, but then you remember that shopping in London is hell on an ordinary day, let alone for the Boxing Day sales.
7. You’re not really sure what day it is, but it certainly doesn’t feel like it should be the same year anymore (it’s been dragging enough as it is). Mentally, you’re already in the new year. But then again, nothing you do in the Festive Perineum counts for anything anyway, so you don’t suppose it matters…
8. You have the sudden realisation that New Year’s Eve is creeping up on you pretty fast and you need prosecco and party poppers ASAP.
9. …or perhaps some sort of plan for the evening…
10. You start preparing your New Years resolutions and thinking intently about what lies ahead. On a general scale, you’re just hoping that we don’t get a shitshow of a year (won’t be putting money on it), but on a more personal level you’re, rather optimistically, hoping to reach major goals and eternal happiness.
11. You look back at the year reminiscently, feeling somewhat emotional about it ending but also excited to get rid. You pop prosecco with elation and inebriation, and with absolutely no idea what the next 365 days has in store (starting with the horrific hangover that looms).
Feature Image: Imgur/The Bandie + Twitter