Sometimes, you just have to throw your hands up and say “what the f*ck?”
London had its fair share of triumphs and tragedies in 2017, but some of the stuff that happened was downright odd. From organ pop-ups to walls of dicks, here are the weirdest things that happened in London this year.
The sky went utterly bonkers
To be fair, it was quite pretty when we realised the world wasn’t ending. However, at the time, the combination of dust from the Sahara and smoke from Spanish wildfires made London look like a science fiction world. The pictures were pretty awesome, even if work in Secret London HQ did grind to a shuddering halt that day.
An organ pop-up appeared and offered us testicle kievs
As pop-ups go, this is perhaps the most bizarre and unsettling one we’ve seen. Bompass & Parr combined organs (the musical instrument) and organs (the body parts) in a rather unforgettable pop-up, which served testicle kievs and duck hearts inside a traditional organ workshop. That’s a workshop for the instruments, before you start imagining this pop-up went down a Sweeney Todd-esque path.
An east London chip shop served battered strawberries and cream
Wimbledon fever reached new heights this year, and it wasn’t because of Roger Federer’s record-setting achievements. Sutton & Sons announced the creation of a new delicacy/abomination with battered strawberries, which were then dipped into cream. We’d recommend Pimms at the ready to wash these down, especially if they did turn out to be abominations.
Goldsmiths held a “build your own sex toy” marathon
Well, what else are you supposed to do for fun out in New Cross Gate? Three days of tinkering with bits and bobs, all in search of the perfect sex toy. Far from being an excuse to create brightly-coloured dildos, the event actually raised pertinent questions about the future of sexuality and technology. On the other hand, it featured a 3D printer creating a production line of clitorises, which appeals to our childish sense of amusement.
A Kim Kardashian opera opened in Hackney
Keeping up with London is our job, so this one didn’t escape our notice. The Marriage of Kim K tells the tale of Kim’s brief marriage to Kris Humphries, using pop, electro, and classical music. The course of true love never did run smooth, as Kim and Kris will surely attest.
Shoreditch got a Donald Trump-themed bar
Oh honey, did you think you were done with obnoxious US reality TV stars? Not even close. Out in Shoreditch (where else?), Twumps was a bar based on Trump Tower, featuring novelty drinks such as the Mexican Wall Margarita. Happily, the whole thing was in the name of charity, with proceeds going to organisations which support women’s reproductive rights and human rights. We’re sure The Donald would approve. Or sue. One or the other.
We could pick up free male models from a Marylebone pop-up
It’s the perfect set up, right? Walk into a pop-up, pick your perfect guy, and walk off into the sunset. If this was the 90s, it would already be a rom-com, probably featuring Meg Ryan or Sandra Bullock. Two problems: one, this isn’t the 90s, and two, these men were eight inches tall. The whole thing was a PR stunt by Match.com, who turned their seven most eligible bachelors into 3D-printed models for passers-by to take home. Creepy or romantic?* You decide!
*Definitely creepy. Check out the gallery and see which guy will be haunting your nightmares this week!
London’s red telephone boxes started disappearing
This one is more devastating than it is bizarre, but the capital is going to look rather weird without them. Having reached the end of their usefulness, the iconic boxes are gradually being replaced with newer, more hi-tech black booths. Console yourselves with the fact that at least some of them have already started their second lives.
We got to climb a wall of genitals
Not content with the organ/organ pop-up, Bompass & Parr brought something a little more hands-on to London, just in time for Valentine’s Day. Grope Mountain was a climbing wall full of boobs, dicks, and other naughty things, perfect for those of us who like to grab life by the balls – and whatever else was in reach…
Danny DeVito came to London and had a Jeremy Corbyn-themed weekend
It was supposed to be a quiet weekend. It ended up being anything but, as American actor Danny DeVito arrived in London for a rather odd break. Though it began with some unofficial campaigning for Labour ahead of the general election, DeVito’s weekend quickly descended into fanboy fantasy. He was spotted at the pub cheering on Arsenal (JC’s football team) in the FA Cup final, and rounded off his trip by handing out medals at the Camden & Islington youth football tournament. Your standard episode of It’s Always Sunny in Islington, really.
Featured image: Bompass & Parr