It’s Monday – which is reason enough really. Learn to identify the symptoms, before it’s too late.
1. It feels like you are having the same conversation, with the same people, in the same pub every single night.
Probably because you are.
2. You don’t even bat an eyelid when you realise another area of London just became gentrified over night.
See that big block of offices? That was a terraced house yesterday.
3. You’re dishing out fivers for craft beers left right and centre – and you don’t care about the consequences anymore.
Keep the change. There is none? Oh right, GIVE ME 6 MORE THEN.
4. You can’t look at your Instagram feed without bursting into tears.
This girl. Your new worst enemy.
5. You hate people that talk to you on the tube more than you already do.
My life is already hard enough without having to pretend that I care about yours.
6. You hate people that talk to you, full stop.
Catch me on Tinder, or not at all.
7. The concept of a lido, a slippy slide or an urban beach does nothing for you anymore.
This? Right now? Nothing. Like, my heart? Didn’t even beat.
8. The EU just banned roaming charges.
Wait, why am I still here?
9. You’re checking your work emails on a Sunday at your friend’s BBQ.
You do realise the only place where it is now acceptable to ignore your phone is when you are safely 30 minutes outside London (on the Gatwick Express).
10. Did you look out the window today?
Get out, while you still can.