10 Signs That You Just Weren’t Made To Be A Londoner

Georgie Hoole Georgie Hoole - EXECUTIVE EDITOR

10 Signs That You Just Weren’t Made To Be A Londoner

London can be tough at times and it takes a certain type of person to hack the city lifestyle. Maybe you’re considering moving to London, or maybe you already live in London and you’re questioning whether or not you belong. We’ve all been there. If you tick any of these boxes then perhaps you should reconsider. (By the way, this should all be taken with a pinch of salt. London is great, we’re all actually quite nice and you’ll soon get over your dislike for crowds and noise and pollution. Or you’ll just get really good at moaning about them, and then you will truly belong.)


1. You’re bad at budgeting.

[We’ve all been here…]
That’s a lot of us out at the first hurdle. Guess none of us were made to live in London *packs bags*


2. You don’t cope well with crowds.

[We hear you, Hugh]
Agoraphobics won’t get very far in the big city. The tube is a no no, and anywhere within a mile radius of a tourist attraction is a danger zone. So that’s everywhere.


3. You don’t easily block out background noise. Especially at night time.

Sirens, your neighbour’s parties that you weren’t invited to, foxes sifting through bins, your housemate’s creaky bed (if you know what we mean…) and the guy upstairs stomping around in his Dr Martens and listening to Iron Maiden (baby). If you’re the type of person who likes to sleep then, er, well, that’s too bad…


4. You want to save some money.

Want to save for a holiday? Or a mortgage? London is probably not the place for you.


5. You’re single but you refuse to use Tinder.

Your stubbornness won’t last and you’ll have downloaded Tinder within the first week of living here. Guarantee it.


6. You’re generally a positive person.

You need to be at least a little bit grumpy and ill tempered in order to fit in here. We are all capable of happiness, don’t get us wrong, but you’re not true London material if you can make it through your entire commute without a bit of tutting and eye-rolling.


7. You don’t understand or appreciate sarcasm.

Wouldn’t it just be so appropriate and hilarious if this sentence was something sarcastic? (Yep, knew it). Seriously though, it’s our second language.


8. You’re a germaphobe.

[Leave your inner Sheldon at the door, London is full of germs]
Your snot will turn black, the tubes are ridden with bacteria, and the air is not fresh. If this bothers you then we recommend going elsewhere. We hear Finland is pretty clean…


9. You’re a slow walker.

We’re not very tolerant of saunterers in this city.


10. You’re not open to new things.

[Loo with a view]
If you wouldn’t wee with this view, try a multicoloured bagel or take your dog out for a burger, then why even bother?


Feature image: Ben Lashes – Grumpy Cat

Tags: funny, Londoner
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