Guilty. As. Charged.
1. Boris Johnson
That bumbling fool that kind of warms our heart and kind of makes us lose all faith in British politics. Whatever idiot thing he does manages to enrage people…but yet we still Tweet about it, like he’s some weird floppy haired crush from our teenage past. Ew.
Don’t feed the pigeons. No seriously, don’t. No matter how many feathered rats we have to wade through on our way to work and how many times we’ve dealt with poop in our hair (nope, it’s not lucky), we still flap around like a headless chicken whenever they come near. Anything that makes us lose our cool in public is seriously…uncool.
Don’t feed the tourists either, they’ll just come back next summer. They boost our economy beyond belief, add multilingual vibrancy to our streets and are way more enthusiastic about our city than we are…but they also walk really, really slowly.
Damn you, public transport. Successfully transporting us from A to B on all but one day of the month. Tube strikes? Not a great opportunity to actually use our legs for once and turn up 3 hours late to work without getting fired. Oh no. A chance to shit-storm over Twitter and complain about our commutes. For the fifth time that week.
5. The weather
If it’s hot, it’s too hot to leave the house. If it’s cold, it’s too cold to leave the house; leaving us in a permanent state of staying in, ripping off layers and dabbing sweat from our upper lips, only to find ourselves somehow contracting a cold in the process. Why don’t we all just move to California? Where seasons don’t exist and everyone lives a perpetually sunny existence? Because then we’d have to think about something else to talk about, of course.
6. The cost of…anything
Rent prices, coffee, petrol, free drinks from really drunk men at pubs… Oh wait. The most expensive city in the world? It’s “impenetrable”, it’s “outrageous”, it’s the reason we’ll still be renting when we’re 70 and paying back student loans with our pensions. But yet we’re still here, dishing out fivers in return for craft beers and questioning our existence on a daily basis. Anyone would think we kind of loved this city…