33 Things You Only Learn Once You Move To London

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There are some things that you just couldn’t ever prepare yourself for. Some of them will surprise you, most of them will not.

 

1. ‘I hate people’ becomes a daily phrase.

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2. Nobody will ever make eye contact with you. Ever.

3. Except for pigeons, they will stare at you with the glint of the devil in their eye.

4. The phrase ‘Why do three buses always come at once?’ is not a joke, it’s a fact.

5. 60% of your wage goes on rent.

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6. The remaining 40% goes on overpriced cocktails from All Bar One to try and forget about all this.

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7. That driving licence was a waste of money.

8. “Congestion charge”? Is that a new café in Shoreditch?

9. It’s perfectly acceptable for all forms of transport to suddenly announce a strike and fuck up all your weekend plans.

10. But if it’s on a weekday, your boss expects you to walk 2 hours to work.

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11. Spending £8 on your lunch everyday is a bargain, even if you’re on an intern’s wage.

12. Nobody seems to give a shit about the pollution…

13. But are content to just hold their breath every time a bus goes past.

14. The fact that the sun barely ever shines.

15. But when it does…

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16. Everyone goes too far. Way too far.

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17. You’ll fit in anywhere you go because every Londoner is unique.

18. Except for Chelsea…

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19. Where everyone is called Toff.

20. Your eyes will begin to ache from all the eye rolling …

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21. A Londoner’s only form of confrontation.

22. There’s no need to waste money on a gym membership.

23. When everyone walks at 50 mph and you’ll be crushed if you don’t follow suit

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24. Or be the target of eye rolls… which has a similar effect.

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25. You might think you’re the shit when you’ve found a new rooftop bar…

26. But you soon realise you’re surrounded by 50 people you knew from school/uni/work/Tinder.

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27. But for some reason, you love all the madness.

28. And there’s always a space that becomes just your own

29. Whether it’s one of London’s beautiful parks

30. Or just the shitty bus stop that always gets you home.

31. And now you’ve got here, you never want to leave!

32. Because every now and again, we have these ‘Love Actually’ moments.

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33. (That’s us talking to London, by the way). 

 

Feature Image: trevorklatko 

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